You Can Say ‘No’ and Get to ‘Yes’
There will be times in your life when you have to say no. It can be hard because you might worry about hurting someone's feelings or making them mad. But saying no doesn't always mean you can't help someone or reach an agreement. You can say no in a way that still gets you to a yes where everyone is happy. First, it's important to understand why saying no is powerful. When you say no, you are setting boundaries. Boundaries are limits that you set to protect yourself and your time. They help you stay focused on what's important to you. Its design is to keep you from getting overwhelmed. Saying no is a way to take care of yourself. It preserves your time.
When you need to say no, it's best to be clear and honest. Don't make up excuses or lie. Just explain why you can't do something. For example, if a friend asks you to hang out but you have a project you have to complete, you can say, "I can't hang out today because I have to get a project done for work" Being honest helps people understand your reasons. It shows that you respect them enough to tell the truth. Even when you say no, you can be helpful by offering alternatives. If you can't spend time together today, you could say, "I can't hang out today, but how about this weekend?" This shows that you want to spend time with your friend. But you cannot do that at this moment. It was Mahatma Gandhi who said, "A no uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a yes, merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble." Offering alternatives can help you find a solution that works for both of you.
The way you say no is just as important as the words you use. Be polite and respectful. Use phrases like "I wish I could," or "Thank you for asking." For example, you could say, "I wish I could help with that project, but I hope it goes well." Being polite helps keep the conversation positive and shows that you care about the other person's feelings. This is part of active and engaged listening. You remember listening, don’t you? Active listening means paying close attention to what the other person is saying. When you listen carefully, you show that you care about their needs and feelings. This can make it easier to say no because the other person feels heard and understood. You can show active listening by nodding, making eye contact, and repeating back what they said. For example, "I understand that you really need help with this, but I can't do it right now."
Your goal should be to get to a win-win solution/ One where both people get something they want. When you say no, try to find a way to help the other person. For example, if your sibling asks you to help with moving, but you are busy, you could say, "I can't help right now, but I can help you later." This way, your sibling gets the help they need, and you get to do your own things first. It's important to be confident when you say no. If you seem unsure, the other person might try to change your mind. Stand firm and remember your reasons. You have the right to say no if something doesn't fit into your schedule or if you just don't want to do it. Being confident shows that you respect yourself and your time. The late Apple head man, Steve Jobs, said, "It’s only by saying no that you can concentrate on the things that are really important."
In the course of negotiation, we sometimes get way too anxious. We are driven to close business, many times without understanding the long-term opportunity cost of the transaction. We get close to the finish line and in the thrill of the moment, we will agree to anything. Including some of those things that are detrimental to ourselves, our sales franchise, and our greater organization. The short-term euphoria we feel for closing business can soon be replaced by the long-term regret of being saddled with a bad business transaction. This cycle repeats itself every day, in every sales organization.
It has gotten worse in the last thirty years. Reliance on short-term goals to gauge the health and profitability of your sales organization has clouded the judgment of many sales teams. We are told to go and hit a monthly goal, without regard for how we achieve it. And those achievements, at times, lead to the wheels coming off the bus when we try to hit future goals. We have become a culture and function of accounting rather than a true sales organization, operating with long-term goals and integrity. We are encouraged to take bad business for gains in the short term rather than making sure the business we take will not be an albatross or boat anchor in the future. As Warren Buffet claims, "The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything."
This philosophical shift takes real discipline and real vision. It requires that all the oars be in the water, rowing in the same direction. Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius Antonius lived in the late 100’s AD. He, himself, is known as a Stoic philosopher. He was fifth among the Roman leaders known as ‘The Five Good Emperors.” He has the distinction of being the second to last emperor of the Pax Romana. Now that your history lesson is over, what can we learn from Marcus Aurelius? Perhaps his most famous of lines is this: “If it’s not right do not do it, if it’s not true do not say it.” This is the basis of integrity. This is our topic.
Many a sales organization has come undone by sales managers and general managers who fancy themselves ‘dealmakers.’ They make bad deals that undercut their sellers. These deals expose the company and set the bar lower and lower as time passes. Leadership author, and guru, John C. Maxwell says” Learn to say no to the good so you can say yes to the best.” Sales leaders and sellers alike must be pointed in the same direction. If it is common knowledge that calling the manager at your place will get the customer “a better deal,” find yourself a new place to work. Your sales organization has lost all credibility in the marketplace. You have no legs and no integrity.
In my operations, I always have the highest price on the shelf. I can recall one of my sellers going on a call where the business owner said, “I’ll call your boss and get a better price.” My seller laughed aloud at the comment, knowing full well that when he called me the price was going to double. And that is exactly what happened. I got the call, and the price was as predicted. I recall saying, “If he offered you that deal, you should’ve taken it on the spot. I won’t undercut my sellers.” It does two things, protects my seller’s credibility. And sends a clear message about the front line. They can say yes and no and mean it. Microsoft’s Bill Gates says, "You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage—pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically—to say 'no' to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger 'yes' burning inside."
This confidence is huge. When sellers are empowered to make front-line decisions, it increases their ability to say no to poor agreements. When you are close to the pin on making a deal and the customer tries The Columbo (you know the one where they try to get you to make one more concession without giving anything in return), you can say no. W. Clement Stone, an American businessman and later famous self-help author wrote, “Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is the right thing. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.” Instead of feeling pressured to make a sale by any means necessary due to the short-term culture of the sales organization, empowered sellers can say no to the extra ask. Instead, the response can be, “Mr. or Mrs. businessperson, we have a good deal on the table, let us move forward as is. It works for both of our companies.”
In my world, it always happens when people want to nickel, and dime offers on the table. It sounds like this, “Oh I like this but, I don’t want X, Y, or Z – what will you take off the price?” Here is the problem with this scenario. You will be held to the other standard. The expectation of results from your product or service will always be at the highest level, even when the customer has chiseled off some of the options. As we are close to getting a deal done, we get overly excited. We might tend to agree to these terms just to get our name on the board. And then the bad deal we cut today, to make the sale, becomes the albatross we are stuck with tomorrow. We won’t be able to shed it. Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair said, “The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.” Instead of saying yes to this practice. Learn to say no. But do it in such a way that you can get to yes, on your terms.
My method for overcoming the chiseling expectation fallacy is to use the steak dinner analogy. It sounds like this. “Mr. or Mrs. businessperson, what you have ordered is a steak dinner. It comes with broccoli and a baked potato. What you are telling me is you do not want the baked potato. And that is fine, but it is a steak dinner. The price of the steak dinner is fifty dollars, regardless of the potato or broccoli omission. How about we bring it as ordered and if you do not want it, don’t eat it.” This is how we can politely say ‘no’ we will not do that, but still get to ‘yes’ and let’s do business together. It is doing business the right way. It is doing business with the long view in mind. It leads to higher sales, better growth, and higher profits, both now and in the future.
Sometimes, saying yes can help you say no in the future. If you know you will have time or energy later, it might be worth saying yes now. For example, if your co-worker asks you to help with a project, and you know it won't take much time, saying "yes" can show that you are willing to help. This can make it easier to say "no" later when you need to focus on something else. Saying "no" can be hard at first, but it gets easier with practice. Start by saying "no" to small things, like turning down a second serving of dessert or saying no to watching a TV show when you need to work. As you get more comfortable, you'll find it easier to say no to bigger things. Remember, it's okay to say no sometimes.
Just like you have the right to say no, so do other people. If someone says no to you, respect their decision. Don't try to change their mind or make them feel bad. Understand that they have their reasons, just like you do. Respecting others' no’s can make it easier for them to respect yours. Saying no is an important skill that helps you take care of yourself and manage your time. By being clear, honest, and polite, offering alternatives, and listening actively, you can say "no" in a way that gets you to a yes. Finding win-win solutions, being confident, and respecting others' nos are also important. Remember, practice makes perfect, so don't be afraid to start saying no today. You'll find that it helps you stay focused on what's important. It makes your relationships stronger and healthier. Paulo Coelho is a renowned Brazilian author. He is best known for his novel The Alchemist. This book has brought international acclaim and has sold millions of copies, worldwide. He writes, "Don’t say maybe if you want to say no." Maybe leaves an implied impression of yes for the receiver while the sender means no. Be clear in your communication. People will take five percent of fact and 95 percent of made-up garbage and make truth from it. Don’t give them that opening.
My new book 21st Century Sales Success is now available on Amazon. If you like what you have read, please consider ordering a copy or two. You can always send one to a friend. Order your copy here: https://bit.ly/21stCenturySalesPB