Transference
Selling is the transfer of confidence and emotion. And let’s face facts. Most media advertising is sold not bought. It requires sellers to be better. We can all admit that it has gotten harder, not easier, to sell our product. Some of that is based on the sins of our fathers. Some from the sheer volume of choices presented to local advertisers. And some of it is from advertiser fear. What we need to overcome this fear is confidence. That is where transference comes into play. We must have supreme but infectious confidence in our ability to deliver for our customers. After all, how can you convince someone to buy something if you, yourself are not sold? Start there. Be sold on what you sell first. Know how and why it will deliver the goods. And then shout it from the rooftops.
This all starts with you. If you are not a confident person, it will be hard to flip a switch and turn it on. But self-confidence can be honed. It is a muscle you can work out. It starts with belief. It starts with an inner fire of can-do. When you know you can, nothing will stop you. But, if you think, even for a minute, that you can’t that puts a plug in your self-confidence damper. When you feel confident in your personal life, you transfer that confidence to your professional life. And that holds, even if you have little experience or expertise in that area. The converse is also true. If you maintain feelings of inferiority or self-doubt, it will rob you of the intestinal fortitude to forge forward.
The late coach John Thompson will forever be linked to Georgetown Hoya Basketball. Coach Thompson was a standout collegiate player at Providence College in the 1960s. He later played two, non-memorable seasons in the NBA. His claim to fame was as the backup to Boston Celtics legend, Bill Russell. His teammates were relentless in hazing him for this role. They nicknamed him “The Caddy,” as he was always following Russell around. Upon retiring from the NBA, he became the head coach at St. Anthony High School in Washington, D.C. That is until Georgetown University came calling. He took over the basketball program there in 1972. He coached the Hoyas until his retirement in 1999. He is a member of the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame. He was the first African American coach to win the NCAA basketball national championship.
During his coaching career, he did a couple of memorable things that often go unnoticed. One is he insisted on academics. With an accomplishment few can boast, he had a 97% graduation rate amongst his players at the University during his twenty-seven years at the helm. It is the other feat, for which he took some flak for over the years. He preferred to schedule light non-conference opponents, early in the basketball calendar. The method was not so his teams got easy, early season wins to pad the totals, although that helps. It was to ensure his team built confidence in themselves going forward. So, when times got tough and adversity would strike, they could dig down to a place where they had success. They could tap into that confidence for an extra boost. Those early wins helped them see and build that confidence. And then it was easier to carry it into the next game.
If you are not a naturally confident person, this could be a method you can use to boost your self-esteem. That is the lesson in Coach Thompson’s work. Be mindful of your schedule. Take control of your week. Be active in stacking your activity. Build in some wins for yourself. Schedule your week to get a win to two early. Set it up the week before. Cultivate your pipeline in such a way you can stack likely closes earlier in the week. This will give you more confidence to make more calls as the week goes on. If you set yourself up for failure earlier in the week, it gets harder and harder to push forward on Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday. William Jennings Bryan was a 19th-century American politician. He said, "The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you.”
What else can you do? Embrace you. Hug yourself. Don’t worry I am not going to start chanting and singing Kumbaya. Wrap your head around what you are best at and master where you are. Make an honest appraisal of yourself. Acknowledge your strengths. Identify your weaknesses. This drills down to your authentic self. Embracing authenticity allows individuals to align their actions with their true selves. It gets you to a state of balance. It puts your inner compass on true north. It identifies what makes you unique. And this is a confidence builder.
Think about all the things you have done well to this point. Even if it is only getting out of bed and remembering to feed the dog. Michel de Montaigne was one of the most significant philosophers of the French Renaissance. He is known for popularizing the essay as a literary genre. He had a unique method of taking intellectual insight and wrapping it with casual anecdotes. He could take complex work and make it plain, for the masses. He said, "The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself." Consider what you are good at and what you do well. This will give you a shot of confidence. And sometimes it is a double. Do it early in your day. In this case, it is OK to drink before 9 am.
Challenge your limiting beliefs. Self-doubt often stems from an ingrained limiting belief. This is your limbic system at work. It undermines your self-confidence. The limbic system is the part of the brain involved in our instinctual and emotional responses. It is designed to protect us from harm. And things that look new, difficult, or challenging trigger the basest of responses. This is where fight or flight comes into play. It is up to us to challenge to view in front of us. We should remind ourselves of our past success. And push through to accept the challenge. You should question the validity of your first response. It is emotional? It is rooted in realism?
Try re-framing the initial response. This framework is empowering. Rather than listen to the voice of doubt, remember the voice of affirmation. No, you don’t have do the Stuart Smalley. (He was the comic character played by Al Franken on Saturday Night Live in the late 1980s). But you can recall the times you succeeded by doing exactly what is placed in front of you today. From there you can forge a path forward, and with confidence, regardless of the outcome. Liberate yourself from the shackles of doubt. Embrace your full potential by exploring possibilities. Change your mindset to one of self-belief. Peter McIntyre was a New Zealander. He was a famous painter and author. He rose to prominence as a war artist. He joined and was later attached to the Second New Zealand Expeditionary Force during the Second World War. After the war, McIntyre returned to New Zealand. In his later years, he wrote an autobiography and produced several art books with his war art. He also wrote, "Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong."
Set meaningful goals for yourself. Goal setting serves as a catalyst for personal growth. It gives you the basis point for real achievement. It can give you a sense of purpose and direction. Make sure they are meaningful. Make them attainable goals. They don’t have to be a layup. Some can be a stretch or a challenge. But they should resonate with your values and ambitions. Give yourself clear objectives. Then outline actionable steps towards their realization. This will give you the road map towards success. It develops confidence, with accomplishment. But only if you commit to real determination. Stack your tasks in order of importance. Each milestone achieved becomes a testament to your capabilities. This will fuel a positive cycle of self-assurance and progress.
Use visualization to forge your path to realization. Visualization serves as a tool for bridging the gap between internal and external. It is a path from confidence to external expression. Imagine your success before you go out and achieve it. This gives you confidence you can tap into at any time. It can give you both clarity and conviction. You will reprogram your subconscious mind to adopt positive beliefs and attitudes. Visualization builds internal confidence. It becomes a guiding force that propels you towards completing tasks and goals. But, visualization is not enough. It must be tied to purposeful action. We will be required to do the work. Success does not arrive through osmosis. Set a clear action path based on visualization. Then set about the path to the goal with purpose and real intent. Take note of accomplishments along the way. Each small victory reinforces the belief in your capabilities. It fuels a positive feedback loop. Achievement breeds more confidence.
Now that you have forged a path towards a higher confidence level, you can begin to transfer it to your business customers. Marcus Mosiah Garvey Jr. was a Jamaican political activist. He was the founder and first President-General of the Universal Negro Improvement Association and African Communities League. From this platform, he declared himself the Provisional President of Africa. His ideas became known as Garveyism’s. Here is one of them, He said, "With confidence, you have won before you have started." Now all we must do is take that internal confidence and transfer that, with enthusiasm, to our business customers.
How do we do that? Start with expressions of empathy. Remember empathy is understanding. It is the bridge that connects hearts and minds. It allows individuals to resonate with the emotions of others on a level that gets below the surface. Empathy is a cornerstone of emotional connection. It is the ability to recognize what others are going through. And then provide meaningful insight that only you can from the other side of the table. You are applying your perspective to the experiences of others. It means listening, with attentive ears. Listening to what is being said and pausing to process before responding. It is a challenge for most people. We all want to jump into the conversation fray with the “Hey, look at me,” attitude. Listening and understanding the position of others will make it a safe space to operate, for both parties. It is here business can flourish.
Authentic emotional connection requires the courage to embrace vulnerability. It is the willingness to expose our true selves, flaws and all, to others. There is power in being your true self. It is a catalyst for genuine connection. We can lean into our discomfort and share our authentic emotions with sincerity and openness. This creates a sacred space for mutual understanding and empathy. It is how meaningful connections are born. We move beyond the superficial. Here we can express genuine emotions without fear of judgment or rejection. This is also a pathway to self-empowerment. It is liberating to honor your true feelings and not have to worry about the reactions of others. If you are true to what you are, then you will be the same each time you meet someone.
Be enthusiastic. Not disingenuous but enthusiastic. You are not faking your enthusiasm but conveying it. You are carrying it with you from meeting to meeting, from encounter to encounter. You do this because you believe you can help those that you work with. This unshattered, unabashed confidence becomes infectious. It is that transference people are buying. Brené Brown is a world-famous author, professor, and podcaster. She is known for her work on self-confidence and leadership. She claims, "Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued. When they can give and receive without judgment." She is not wrong.
We are in the connection business. Most advertising is sold not bought. And it is sold by those who can master this skill. It is a consistent transfer of their inner confidence. That gets coupled with their outer emotional enthusiasm. And it goes toward the best group of potential buyers.
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